We must be willing to get rid of
the life we’ve planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed
before the new one can come
First—a hearty thank you to all my friends and family who have shown their love and support not only through phone calls, emails, and lots of long-distance love, but also through their devoted reading of my blog. I am so very grateful to you all for keeping me going while I put the pieces of my new life together. At a time when I don’t feel a whole lot of creative energy bursting forth, I do at least have some real urge to reach out through this blog. It is so helpful to know that there are people out there, reaching back from the other end.
As best I can, I am trying to hold my head up and move forward, knowing that even though this was most definitely not the direction I thought my life would be heading at this point, it is precisely the right direction. Among all the logistical matters that must be regarded when two people part ways after so many years together, I am scrambling to figure out what my identity will be as I go off on my own once again. I am anxious to get settled into a new place quickly, so that I can once more set up my writing space, surround myself with books, and pick up my writing projects where I left them off.
Though my last blog entry was appropriately melancholic considering my cancelled engagement and dissolved family, I could not bear to leave that as the first thing people see when they visit my blog. Am I depressed? Absolutely. Do I feel as if the universe enjoys shitting on me? Yes. But does that mean that I will always feel that way? No—I refuse to let this situation derail my life for very long. I have too many important things to do and write and say, and though I am now living a different life than I saw for myself, it’s still one I am glad to be living.
I suppose that sometimes we must just get out of our own way so that the lives we are meant to be living can unfold in front of us. I think I may have been standing in my own way for a very long time, and have only now just stepped aside. It’s very difficult to release control, and to trust that what is meant to be, will be. But I guess that in the end, what choice do we really have?
For now I plan to bury myself in work, some good books, and hopefully soon some writing. I have the best support system in the whole world, and feel very much loved by my peeps. The sooner I can get settled and get back to my writing, to the new novel, the better off I’ll be.